Merry Merry Xmas

It’s been a long time since my last protected post and for the one or two souls who drop by this place once in a blue moon – Merry Christmas.

2019 bought about many changes in me and I guess, I’m finally moving out from the dark, wet, lonely journey.

60 days ago, I drop my last stick. Marking my final goodbye to the love-hated relationship I have had with him. A mysterious relationship that has always been there, providing me with comfort yet at the same time killing and eating me slowly inside.

85 days ago, I clear the final stone that has been holding me back for the past 1000 days. The last fear I have, the last unknown call I will get.

145 days ago, I have my first slip of freedom and saw my first brink of light after 1667 days of darkness. The first 000 I saw after 1667 nights.

298 days ago, I saw the first bloom of my long-dried fruit. The only dream I have since 2883 days ago.

I am very proud of myself.

Let the next 365 days be the turnaround to a better next many many years ahead.

 

 

 

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A clean up.

Another topic closure today. What was with me 2 years ago have all left and departed. For the good, I hope.

While trying to fight for what I want, I suffer more than bruise and wounds. It’s always the heart break that I cannot take.

So much effort was put into it but in the end, it still turn out the way it should be.

回到我原本的自己。所有的一切都成了历史。 慢慢的，我相信一切都会好转的。 我最舍不得的是我们创造的一切。从不可能到不肯定， 到得到， 最后到失去。

对不起，谢谢你。

Roller coaster ride and Fire fighting scene

I guess I can only describe the year to be a roller coaster ride with a firefighting scene. 

5days

Its been 5 days since I picked up my last stick. I told myself I don’t want to feel like a drug addict. I don’t want to be craving for stick every time I am feeling down. 

It’s not an easy five days. I struggle to tell my friends that I’m not feeling well, I don’t want to smoke. It’s hard to keep my hands off the cig box especially when I have got nothing to do or so many things in mind. 

Lmn have gone thru so many stuff. I am now burden with so many debts. But I am clearing it one by one. 

Tonight, things wasn’t good again. I open up the left over pack and took out a stick. Took two puff and I threw it away. I must break this habit. I must stop. 

Let’s see how hard it will get.

It’s been a long one year.

Been thru so much. I didn’t know it so long already before I read back to chat history. I guess I haven been active since last year when I buried myself to work. 

Just last week. I was forced thru a another drama of heart break. A another drama of betrayer. I pinned too much hope of you. Treated you like my own family member. But I was wrong. 

Yes, life have been busy. So busy that I forgot my own family. Forgot about my parents who turn old every single day. Forgot how tasty my mum’sfood is. I worked so hard only to found out that I am still left with nothing. 

Let’s be honest- for those who matter don’t care, those who care doesn’t matter. I pick up smoking a year and half ago and I didn’t stop. I just keep smoking more and more each day. Sometimes even more than a pack a day. I never realized how bad is it until recently when I look into a mirror. I look fat, distorted. Ugly and tired looking always. I know my family are worried. I know Wenya hates that I smoke. I know how bad I smell after every stick. But I didn’t care. I didn’t want to do thing I was told to do. I closed my door again after my last milestone. I stop moving forward since then. –

Happy New Year!

Cannot believe that i survived this year. 2014 is a year when my life took a major turn. I started the year with mixed feelings. From sadness to heartache to thankfulness and gratitude. I know I wouldn’t be able to make it without my friends and my family. Let the sad story remaining in 2014.

I realized that I did not do any summary or resolution in year 2014. This year, I am not going to summarized the year ( I don’t even know what i did or did not).

While I learnt that nothing in life turns out nicely as planned, I am going to start the year with a whole list of resolutions:
– Visit Sydney one more time
– Expand Lemonade
– Be healthy

Here We go! First work day in 2015! 🙂

It takes two…

It takes two…
Two hand to clap, two side of the scissor to cut, to people’s courage to fall in love.

I am not in for a love story here. Not here to tell everyone that I am in love. Not yet.

while sinking into the never ending work, Which actually feels good, a part of me reflects on love.

I was wondering when will I fall in love again. I came to realised that falling in love wont work out with just one sided courage. It takes two side to be courageous enough for a love to be completed.

And both sides must come together. The right time, they called it. While you may have the courage now, the other side may well still recovering from a damage.

However, I must still say –  good things are worth waiting for.

Let’s see how long my next good will arrived. 

No one stays forever.

As much as we want people to stay with us and fight thru hard battles with us, no one stays forever.

This is something that failed me alot of times and something that I failed to understand for many times. 

Especially in business, non-shareholders wouldnt stay forever in ur business and take up tough battles forever. One day people leave and one day you will have to find another one to replace.

So while smooth things last,  it’s best we are prepared for the next step.

While stucked in my ultimate comfort zone, I believe it’s time again for me to stand up again and step on to the next journey. 

The next journey might be accompanied by the same person and it really does, that’s when we need to show extreme appreciations to them and if it is not, we must not be too late to realise.

Words are the ultimate pre warning system. Listen to them and realise their intention before its too late.

I will move on. Stronger, this time.

While no one stays forever, we must always appreciate those who helped you during the last journey.

Thank you.